


Highest Velocity

by Mikkal



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Disturbing thoughts, Insanity, Mentions of Suicide, More Hurt Than Comfort, Multi, Non-Chronological, Self-Harm, Speed Force, Westhallen - Freeform, hurt/comfrot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkal/pseuds/Mikkal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry tries with all his heart to do good.<br/>And he pays the price for it.</p><blockquote>
  <p> “Barry?” Eddie says carefully, his voice level, soft. Barry just wants to lean into it, let the warm tone wash over him. “What’s going on? Barry?” He pauses, probably glancing back at Iris. “You’re scaring us.”</p>
  <p> “You’re dead,” he croaks out past another wayward giggle</p>
  <p>“You’re dead,” he repeats. “And you’re dead.” He points at Iris. “And you are too.” Joe. “And you.” Cisco. “And you.” Caitlin. “And you.” Felicity—holy hell, when did Felicity get here? Oliver? Laurel?</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[Eddie dies.

Which doesn’t make any sense.

— _Eddie dies._

But then it does—make sense, that is…kind of…not really. But acceptance is one of the stages of—

 _Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name—_ ]

A hysterical giggle bubbles up from, from his chest, bursting from his lips, uncontrolled, wild. Barry clamps a hand over his mouth, doubling over, bending at the waist, and just starts _falling_ , crashing to his knees, gravel biting through his jeans, clawing at his skin. It stings, burns, but it’s just a gnat against, against—

He doesn’t stop laughing.

Can’t, _can’t_ stop laughing.

Eddie crouches down next to him, hand out stretched like he wants to _touch_ him, assure him, assure him of what? That he’s _alive?_ That’s a fucking _lie—_ oh hey, that rhymed! Kind of.

“Barry?” Eddie says carefully, his voice level, soft. Barry just wants to lean into it, let the warm tone wash over him. “What’s going on? Barry?” He pauses, probably glancing back at Iris. “You’re scaring us.”

His head jerks up, his neck cricking, but he meets Eddie’s eyes dead on. “You’re dead,” he croaks out past another wayward giggle. He jabs a finger against Eddie’s chest hard enough the blonde man goes rocking onto his butt. Jabbed his heart, over his heart. He’s wearing a white shirt, how fucked up is that? Hm?

“You’re dead,” he repeats. “And you’re dead.” He points at Iris. “And you are too.” Joe. “And you.” Cisco. “And you.” Caitlin. “And you.” Felicity—holy hell, when did Felicity get here? Oliver? Laurel?

—“ _What_?”

[Iris dies.

Which doesn’t make any sense.

— _Iris dies._

But then it does—make sense, that is…kind of…not really. But acceptance is one of the stages of—

 _Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name—_ ]

 “Didn’t you see what I did?” his voice hits a pitch that would normally make him embarrassed, but everyone’s staring at him like he’s _crazy_ and he’s _not_ , he’s _not fucking crazy._ “I _ran_.”

“Barry,” this times it’s Iris. Eddie’s still on his ass, staring at him wide-eyed and so pretty. “We know, we saw. But—.” She swallows, she’s _scared._ Of him. _She’s scared of him—_ what did he do? He didn’t do anything wrong! He did what everyone’s always telling him to do! “What, what happened?”

“ _I ran!”_ he shouts, just as hysterical as his laughter, but he’s not, not laughing anymore. “I ran and I ran. I did what you told me to do! _‘Run, Barry, run!’_ Well I fucking ran!” He throws his hands out wide, to make a point, to make them understand, but Iris actually _flinches._ He gapes at her in horror, his stomach rolling. “ _Iris—,”_ he breathes.

[Cisco dies.

Which doesn’t make any sense

— _Cisco dies._

But then it does—make sense, that is…kind of…not really. But acceptance is one the stages of—

 _Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name—_ ]

Barry curls in on himself then, folding his hands against his chest, rocking, back and forth, back and forth. “I did what you told me to do,” he whispers. “I did. I ran. I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Iris says. “Don’t— _God._ Barry, please don’t apologize.” He feels her fingers brush through his hair and this time he’s the one who flinch- _flinches._ “You have _nothing_ to apologize for.”

His closes his eyes, tight until sparks burst behind his lids. Pretty, yellow and white, red and endless, endless white. Oh, God, no—He _rocks_ violently back, they shout his name—“ _Barry! Barry_!”—and he tries, tries to run.

But, no, he _can’t run_. If he runs, if he runs, he’ll end up back, back—

 _He can’t go back_.

Someone snags his arm and he jerks, but not away. He opens his eyes to find Eddie kneeling over him, holding him, anchoring him, his chest heaving, tears in his eyes—blue, _blue_ , not red, not yellow, not white—Iris, Iris is _right_ there, at his side even though she flinched away, she _came back._

Her hand comes to cup his cheek and he whimpers. She’s soft and warm, and _alive._ He leans into the touch, sagging in her direction.

“What happened to him?”—Oliver, that’s Oliver. All concerned and everything.

[Caitlin dies.

Which doesn’t make any sense

— _Caitlin dies._

But then it does—make sense, that is…kind of…not really. But acceptance is one the stages of—

 _Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name—_ ]

God, that _fucking song._ He knocks his knuckles against his head. Get. That. Song. Out. Of. His. Head. It doesn’t go away. Why, why doesn’t it go away? He hits himself again. And again. And again. Again. Againagainagainagainagain—

“Barry! Stop!”

“ _No!_ Get it out of my head!”

Hands grapple for him, catching his wrists and dragging him down, pressing him down on the ground. He thrashes, arching, writhing against, against the restraints. “No, no, let me go!”

He _screams_. His throat burns, his eyes sting. He kicks out, but someone presses on his knees, keeping him down. He shouts, and yells, and, and cries.

“What happened to him?”—Felicity

“Calm him down. He’s going to hurt himself.”—Caitlin

“A little too late,” Eddie snaps. He pulls away, his fingers slipping, his warmth fading— _fading,_ fading away. No, no—.

“ _Eddie_ ,” he whimpers. “No. Don’t—.”

And he’s back, cupping his face with both hands, thumbing over his cheek. “Shh,” he murmurs. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Iris runs her fingers through his hair, points of pressure against his head. “Neither of us are. We promise.”

His eyes flicker to hers, tears streaming down his face. “But you _did,”_ he whispers.

[Eddie dies.

Iris dies.

Again. Again.

All of them again.

Which doesn’t make any sense.

— _Again. Again._.

But then it does—make sense, that is…kind of…not really. But acceptance is one of the stages of—

 _Shot through the heart. And you’re to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name—_ ]

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s a burst of static. Ozone floods the air and Jay gags at the sudden taste. It’s heavy, nasty,  _ wrong _ . He freezes in the corridor, his heart going from zero to sixty in .3 seconds. Powers sets his nerves on fire, he can’t breathe for a split second, the rush is too much, is too familiar.

_ The Speedforce _ .

“No,” falls from his lips, quiet, a whisper. “No. Nonono.”

He’s no longer connected to the Speedforce so intimately, but his feet fly as he rushes to the Cortex, wings on his heels, a spark trailing behind him. There’s so much energy in the building—growing, swelling, ready to burst.

The sight that greets him—Wells backed in the corner; Caitlin half a step forward with a hand outstretched; Cisco angry, pissed, half-turned to Wells with a fist raised, Barry… _ Barry­­ _ …

Barry on the treadmill, running, indistinct in a way that fades into the lightning he rides. One second he’s there as a blur of red in yellow lightning, the next he’s nothing but Speedforce, 

nothing but the Lightning.

Jay shouts his name and doesn’t get an answer.

“What did you do?” Jay snarls, lunging for Wells. “You promised!” He slams the man against the wall, gripping his shirt tight, too tight. He trembles where he stands, holding Wells in the air, lightning crackling around them. For a moment, a moment he can believe he’s the Flash again, but the slow roar building behind him tells him, no. 

No.

Not him.

“I never actually promised not to give him Velocity,” he answers evenly. “He wants to get faster. We all want him to get faster. We can’t have Zoom beat him like he did before. This is the easiest, fastest way to get his speed up to par, or even beyond, the demon that haunts our footsteps. You can’t tell me you don’t want this to happen as well, Garrick? He knew the risks.”

Jay pulls him forward and slams him back again, knocking the air from Wells’ lungs audibly and ignoring Caitlin’s half-gasped ‘ _ Jay! _ ’

“Did he?” Jays demands. “Did he know the risks, or did you imply everything and let him go in half-cocked?”

Wells gasps for air. “I did tell him,” he breathes, rasps. “He’s doing it for his family, his friends, for his Earth. He’s doing it for me, you, for Jesse. He wants this as desperately as we all do. And he’s willing to try anything. You can’t lump the blame on me.  _ At least he’s not running away _ .”

He pulls back for a punch, but Caitlin drags him back, yanking him away from his target.

“Stop it, both of you!” she demands. “Stop fighting, damn it!”

“Uh, guys,” Cisco says, his words shaky.

The roar gets louder and louder. Jay turns, letting go of Wells completely, to see Barry fade away completely and totally until he’s… _ gone _ . The roar going with it, sucking all sound into a void of silence.

Cisco chokes. “What the fuck?”

“ _ No! _ ”

Jay lunges for the treadmill room, scrabbling at the door and falling through when it opens. If the room out there feels like a vacuum, then here feels like the eye of the storm, too calm, too quiet.

“He’s still here,” Cisco whispers, too close. Jay jumps, whirling around, wide-eyed. “I-I can feel him. Where did he go? Why can I feel him still here?”

Jay’s left there panting, his heart hammering--beating too fast, a hummingbird in his chest raging to be free. “He’s still here. Just… in a different level. He’s in the Speedforce.” He swallows thickly, turning to look at Caitlin, daring to look at Wells--hoping to see remorse in his eyes, but only seeing hunger, for power, for revenge, for his daughter.

“We may never get him back,” Jay finally says, shoulders sagging. Footsteps pound in his ears, like Barry’s still behind him on the treadmill, but it’s only an echo of the past, the future, every moment in time when he ran and runs and will run. “The Speedforce won’t let him go. He’s gone.”

There’s a finality to him saying it. It’s too harsh, dropping from his tongue. Caitlin has tears in her eyes, hands over her mouth to cover a sob. Cisco’s face is blank, processing. Wells looks disappointed and Jay wants to rip his throat out for it, his hackles rising.

“No,” Cisco says, jarring them all from this frozen-snapshot of despair.

“What?” 

“ _ No _ ,” he repeats, taking a step forward. He raises his hands like a man in the dark trying not to knock into a lamp that could give him light if only he doesn’t break it. “He’s not gone. He’s right here. I can  _ feel him _ , remember?”

Jay sighs. He loves the determination and the tenacity this group has. This  _ Team Flash _ , but this? “No one comes back from the Speedforce.”

“Have you tried?” Cisco demands. “Have you tried and not-returned? If it’s only you and Zoom,  _ how do you know _ ?”

To that, Jay has no clear answer. No, he’s never been consumed by the Speedforce. But how can he tell these people, these non speedsters, the overwhelming  _ feel _ that it is to stand in the presence of such of thing? To run with the Speedforce both fueling them and dogging their heels like a reaper for their souls? Every moment spent running, getting faster, is another moment were they just want to close their eyes and fall into the embrace of the Speedforce, hoping It is loving and kind and will let them go again to run with It?

The Speedforce is the End and the Beginning tied in a Ouroboros of Nothing and Everything. It is something much older than them all and it will continue to grow old. They taste only a fraction of this when they run, when the tap into that power to do amazing things.

Jay is not the favored being of the Speedforce. He never entertained the thought that he was. There had always been this  _ feeling _ even back on Earth-2, his earth, that there is something out there  _ more  _  than him.

And Barry? Barry is that  _ more _ .

Even spending a second in his presence told him that, and watching him run confirmed it.

And now, now the Speedforce has Its favor.

How could they ever think of getting him back?


End file.
